This whole apartment thing ain't working out anymore....(Or: I'm too old for this shit)

I go to bed around 1:00 (adjusted time) last night, savoring the extra hour to myself.

Then, around 4:30, I'm awakened by a woman's moans. I'm disoriented, worried, and blind (I've got 20/600 vision). I also hear "no."

I jump to my feet, grab around for my glasses. Can't find them. I rush to turn on the light. I'm pissed my gun is in the other room, not that I'd be able to shoot anyone if a woman were being assaulted outside of my window, since I can't see one foot in front of me.

Then I realize it's either (a) my neighbors having sex, with her being extremely vocal or (b) my neighbors blasting porn.*

As that awareness washes over me, my heart settles from about 220 beats per minute to a (still high) 150 beats per minute. And my worry turns to fury. I turn to the wall and beat on it three times, vowing to myself to call the authorities and report a domestic disturbance if it didn't cease (it WAS a domestic disturbance...they were disturbing me).

Ms. Oooh-Yes-Oooh-No shuts the fuck up.

But it takes me about twenty minutes to get rid of that adrenaline and settle back to sleep.

Undergrads. Can't live next to them. Can't shoot them with my 9.

*I'm guessing porn, due to her sounding JUST LIKE a fucking porn star. And owing to the fact that as soon as I banged on the wall, all noises stopped. Headphones?